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MIND WARP

Saturday, August 28, 2004
 
MULE'S RECIPE # 2:

Mule's Japanese Style Slow Cooked Beef Stew:

***(For best results, start in the early morning hours.)

In a large crock pot, mix two family sized packages of frozen japanese stir-fry vegetables and 4 packages of stew beef. Also pour in the contents of the stir-fry seasoning packets.

Next, fine chop one large onion and add into crock pot. Add two cans of beef broth, and 1/4 cup of "Allegro" marinade sauce.

Cut up two unpealed large baking potatoes into small bite sized chunks. Boil the chunks in a separate pot until they start to soften. Drain off water and add potato chunks to crock pot.

Cook on high setting for two hours. Set dial to low and cook for 3 to 4 hours depending on size of crock pot. Adjust contents to the size of your crock pot.

Next..., EAT UP!!!!


Funny Joke

Two gay male partners get into an argument. One says to the other, "I've decided to break up with you because you don't have any chest hair. So unless you can miraculously grow chest hair by the time I get back at noon, I expect you to be out of my house!"

After his partner left, the man goes to see the local pharmacist for a miracle cure. "Please, you've got to help me! My life partner's leaving me if I don't grow chest hair by lunch time! Is there anything that will help?"

The pharmacist looked at the man in disbelief and disgust and lied to the man saying he could cure him. "Take this case of Vaseline home with you and lie naked on your kitchen table. Put on the Village people for some background music and rub the entire contents of this whole case of Vaseline onto your chest while singing along with the music. By the time your man walks through the front door you'll be the hairiest man he's ever seen!" Satisfied...., the man paid the pharmacist and rushed home with his new found quick cure.

The young man did just as the pharmacist said, and soon was greasily squirming naked on his kitchen table singing "In the Navy...." at the top of his lungs. Suddenly, the door burst open and there was his partner.

"What the hell are you doing?!"

"Growing some hair for you..., what's it look like?!"

"Let me guess.., you went and asked the pharmacist and he told you rubbing Vaseline on your chest would cause hair to grow there?!"

"Yeah..., so what if I did?"

His partner paused for a moment with a look of pity for the man lying naked on the table in front of him. "Look, if there was any truth to that story don't you think you'd have a thirty foot pony tail growing out of you ass by now?!!"



Sunday, August 22, 2004
 
Latest Art "Scream"!

On Sunday in OSLO, Norway masked thieves burst into an Oslo museum stealing two priceless Edvard Munch masterpiece paintings stunning several visitors. The first of the two paintings entitled "Scream," depicts an anguished, opened-mouthed figure grabbing the sides of its head. The second stolen painting is entitled, "Madonna". The paintings, done between 1893-94 were part of Munch's "Frieze of Life" series. The series depicted themes of sickness, death, anziety and love. This was the second time the "Scream" painting had been stolen from an Oslo museum! The paintings were stolen at gun point tricking many visitors into believing they were being held up by terrorists! According to many visitors, the museum itself is partially to blame due to its slack security measures. One witness said, "The paintings were simply attached by wire to the walls. All you had to do is pull on the painting hard for the cord to break loose - which is what I saw one of the thieves doing." A police spokeswoman reported no one was injured during the robbery. Police did find the escape car along with fragments of the paintings' frames.

Munch, (pronounced "moongk") died in 1944 at the age of 81. He was a Norwegian painter and graphic artist who worked in Germany as well as his home country. He is mostly renowned for his emotionally charged style of great significance in the birth of the 20th century Expressionist movement. The stolen "Madonna" depicts an eroticized virgin with a blood-red halo in a dark, swirling aura. Munch later produced woodcut lithographs of a similar subject. He made four versions of "The Scream," an image that has fascinated experts and the general public for decades. Art historians and amateurs alike have pondered the meaning of the enigmatic, seemingly bleak image. For years now, it's made its mark on fame in the popular culture in serious reproductions but also cartoons and novelty items. Two of the original "Scream" pictures are owned by the Munch museum; a private collector owns a third version; and the fourth is on display at Oslo's National Gallery. That version was stolen in February 1994 but recovered three months later.

"They were all painted by Munch, and they are all just as valuable," said Munch Museum spokeswoman Jorunn Christoffersen. "Still, these painting are not possible to sell, and it is impossible to put a price tag on them." However, Knut Forsberg, manager of Blomqvist Fine Arts, Norway's oldest auction house since 1870, estimated the value of "The Scream" at between $59.6 million to $74.5 million. But he agreed it would be impossible to sell either painting on the open market because of their notoriety. "Most likely, the thieves will demand a ransom to deliver the paintings back," he said. Forsberg refused to censure the museum for any lack of security sighting if they'd been more firmly mounted the thieves would've just damaged the paintings in thier quest. He apparently is not alone in his thoughts on the subject. One Denmark museum curator is reported as saying, It's not a pleasant experience to enter a museum where there is a guard at the entrance with gun."

The "Scream" stolen in 1994 was a work on paper. Police recovered the fragile work undamaged in a hotel in Asgardstrand, about 40 miles south of Oslo. Three Norwegians were arrested. At the time, investigators said the trio tried to ransom the painting, demanding $1 million from the government. It was never paid.

Do Bears Sleep in the Woods?

Campers in Blakely national Forest recieved a big surprise upon returning to thier camp site. A large Black bear was just waking up...., or WAS he?! According to the reports, the bear had stumbled into the camp and found 4 cases of cold beer. One case of Busch beer, and 3 cases of Reinier beer. After punturing only one can of Busch..., it's apparent this bear had expensive tastes. He had consumed THREE ENTIRE CASES of Reinier beer and was PASSED OUT..., not ASLEEP! The bear then stumbled off into the forest. The game wardens put up a large caged trap for the bear...., baiting the trap with a few cans of his FAVORITE beer! Right on schedule, they caught the big guy and put an END to this alchoholic's rumaging and thievery! Moral of this story: NEVER go camping with ANYTHING but cheap beer! LoL!

Wednesday, August 18, 2004
 
ALRIGHT!!!

The night finally arrived after long weeks of both anticipation and utter dread. I'm speaking of my Tuesday night dart league I've been involved with off and on for over eight years. At the beginning of this round seven weeks ago, I left my old team; "Debs' Derelicts" for a different team; "Board Surfers". There were several reasons for the switch..., most of them to do with the teams' captain and even more so.., her husband: a long time friend of mine. I felt that if I didn't leave the team I would end up making enemies over some very trivial stuff..., but mostly because I asked a "friend" for help and was basically cursed out and walked on for all my trouble. The captain also said in a round about way that I was supposedly the worst plaqyer on the team...., (uhhh..., no..., that would most likely be HER not me!)Normally. I wouldn't even clarify that even if I thought it, because being a part of a team is about helping each other work AS a team...., not by cutting down another one of your team-mates. Somewhere along the way they all seem to have forgotten that fact. I'm not on that team anymore, so I'll say it again..., SHE'S the worst player on the team. STILL!!!! Let's not fail to mention it was MY involvement (without any choice apparently)into THIER personal problems between each other which resulted (after my advice was given to the husband)in them pulling thier marriage back together. Of course when I needed some friendly advice...., "I don't want to hear it...., I'm not gettin involved...., I'm not having this fucking conversation with you...., not now not ever!!!"

The Mule Replies:

"So is that your last word? No thanks for helping me out., no thanks for being a friend when I needed you..., no thanks for helping me fix my relationship?!"

So...., he decides to send the poor innocent camel to the chiropractor

"I'm done...., fuck off.., how about that?!!!"

The Agony of Defeat!

FINAL SCORE-

BOARD SURFERS-17 points DEBS' DERELICTS-13 points

I also got to pick up my personal award for high on (120 points) for the men's summer league 2003 as well as a team trophy (from when I was still on Debs' Derelicts team). I also held my own against one of thier new players.., and MY good friend (used to play on Debs two seasons ago) who is practically one of the best players around, having dropped out of a higher division due to thier only being a few teams this season. We also have one player from two divisions higher. Of course thier must be some mistake....., since I'm the WORST PLAYER that was on thier team and all. LOL!!

Sunday, August 15, 2004
 
QUIZ ANSWER

Very good Rex!! Skycry is also right on his historical facts. Before the weather hit however..., the decision was already made to stop and make some more beer. You have to keep in mind the ones actually sailing the ship were sailors, and take beer from a sailor in those days and you've got one unruly passenger on your hands. Multiply that times his sailor crew members..., and you've got a mutiny! A happy sailor was a good sailor I suppose. HMMMN?! I wonder how those sailors would've faired in todays "kinder, more gentle NAVY?!

 
"New Thing"

Weekly Bachelor Recipes..., compliments of the Mule:

Recipe #1: Mules' Mexican Chili-(medium hot)-Extra large portion!

Mix one pound of lean burger to 3 pounds of Choriso Mexican sausage. Cook with seasonings to your taste in lage skillet, and the drain.

In large stew pot, pour in one half contents of a bottle or can of beer, one glass of water, one glass of V-8 or tomato juice, one half cup of sugar, one cup of black coffee, one small jar of Pace picante sauce, 4 cans of (diced or crushed) chili italian style garlic seasoned tomatoes, two cans of black beans, two cans of chili-hot (or mexican style) beans, one large can of dark red kidney beans, two cans of northern beans, and two cans of chili magic beans, and two packets of chili seasoning mix. Add meat to the pot once this is finished. Heat on low, stirring about every 5 minutes.

Next chop up two lage onions, (one fine minced/other merdium chopped) with two fine minced Mexican Habenero peppers (three to five if you dare!). I pesonally don't care much for green peppers, but you may add them if that suits your taste. Add contents to pot along with two baking potatoes chopped into 1 inch squares (to reduce the acid content) You'll need a HUGE pot..., or substitute less meat and delete a can of beans from two cans and less sugar/ onion n such. If chili is two dry add either V-8, tomato juice, or black coffee. (plain water dulls the spicyness of the flavor). If too soupy add either more meat, more tomatoes, or more beans.

EAT UP!! You'll love it, I garauntee you!

Todays' Topic: "Stupid People..., where do they all come from?!"

I went to the ATM at the 7-11 on Friday to get some cash for my purchase from the hardware store down the street. Now before I go much further with this story, as I've said before...., in all fairness I'm TRYING REAL HARD not to become prejudice against those persons of African descent. However, as recent events keep unfolding before my very eyes...., well....., you do the math here! And YES I have a few black friends who are keeping me hanging on by a thread at NOT falling into prejudice steriotypes, but as I said, it's not an easy thing to do. (Even THEY AGREE with me on this!)

Anyhow, I was approaching the door to exit when I noticed a black lady giving me a mean and hatefull glare. I gave stare in return as to say in not so kind unspoken words, "What the Hell are you looking at lady?!" I got in my truck, started the engine in time to notice the lady practically tripping opver herself to get out of the store. I looked over the ATM reciept, put the truck in reverse, checked left/right/and rear, and proceeded to back out of the space. The normal rouite out of the lot was blocked by a Pepsi truck, so I went for the right exit instead. Suddenly, I happened to glance over as the lady from almost backed into the drivers side of my truck! She started blowing her horn but was STILL backing toward by door! Another truck came into the parking lot as he cut in front of me never glacing to see if I was even there..., not to mention he came in through the exit! I hit the brakes to keep from smacking into him and layed on the horn.

Meanwhile, "Blackie" to my left is (now get this:) FLIPPING ME OFF.., STILL BACKING SLOWLY TOWARD THE TRUCK DOOR.., AND LAYING ON HER HORN!! I still had my wallet out.., couldn't go forward or backwards.., so I got out my GEICO insurance card and held it up in one hand, leaned out the window, banged on her trunk (YEP she was THAT close!!) and screamed, "Hey you stupid ignorant ass-wipe bitch! Do the words GEICO mean anything to you?! Stop your damn car and stop blowing that damn horn before you run into me!!

She finally stopped her two mile an hour assault on my truck but continued running her mouth about something in her car. The truck in front of me finally moved so I pulled forward to the exit. As I did, the woman whipped out of the space missing my drivers side tailight by mere centimeters! Once again, she starts blowing her horn. Now she starts holding the horn button constantly. I was already irritated from some ridiculous Mickey Mouse BS at work that day and my fearsome temper had now reached full capacity.., I COULD WITHSTAND NO FURTHER HARRASSMENT FROM THIS PATHETIC PANTY WASTE OF A HUMAN BEING!!

Da Bitch Gotta Go Fo Da Mule Loose All Remnants Of Sanity He Got Left!! Yeah.., Uh Huh!!

So pissed off that I was.., forgetting all about current road rage laws and such I whipped open the door, with TRUCKERS' TIRE BATON in hand and yelled, (IN EXACT WORDS) "Can't you see the damn traffic?! Just where in the HELL do you think I'm supposed to go lady?! I swear if you blow that fucking horn in my ear ONE MORE TIME I'm getting out of this damn truck.., I'm coming back there and yanking your sorry black ass out of that drivers' seat and beating' your stupid ignorant sorry black ass to a pulp.., now KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF NOW and I do mean NOW!!!"

I realize the implications that could've stemed from my actions.., however, I'm not so sure I wouldn't have done what I told her I was going to do had she blew the horn one more time. I know I scared the crap out of her because her eyes got big as saucers.., her chin dropped.., mouth wide open in fear as she hit all the locks on her car and pulled her hands tight to the top of the steering wheel..., dtooped down low in the seat.., but BEST OF ALL PEOPLE........,

KEPT HER SORRY BLACK ASSED MOUTH SHUT AS WELL AS WAS HER HORN!!

After she did get on the road..., she drove ONE BLOCK...., turned left..., and pulled into the driveway of a house two doors down! While all this was going on at the seven eleven store.., the cashier, and three other witneses ALL tried to get her to knock it off! She even flipped off one of them! One even yelled to me (cashier) "You got me as a witness to her being so stupid if needed..., my name's Kim!" "Thanks!" I replied.

Thar "He" Blows!!!

Tropical storm Bonnie, and Hurricane Charlie have come and gone. Florida, un fortunately.., didn't fair too well. For awhile.., it was feared by many here in the Tidewater Virginia area that we wouldn't fair any better. Hurricanes tend to loose thier punch was they make landfall. Of course it can still pack dangerous wing and flooding regardless! It's still raoining here..., as it has been for several days now. Supposedly..., there was another hurricane behind Charlie over the African coast packing as much if not more punch than Charlie. I've not heard anymore about that one so maybe it fizzled out. Let's face it..., it doesn't matter where you live.., you have to take the goods with the bad. Living near the ocean is nice.., however.., hence the bad:














Tuesday, August 10, 2004
 
Fun but true quiz-----

When the Pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock, they were actually sailing to Virginia. A matter of extreme urgency presented itself and it was decided they would make land fall at the first available land sighting. What was this matter of urgency that forced them to deviate from thier original plans? By the way, this isn't another internet quiz. I stumbled across this and thought it a hoax at first..., but found out it was actually true. Try your luck..., maybe you'll guess correctly.


Monday, August 09, 2004
 
TWO FOR TWO!!!!!!!!

Finally some good stuff happened to the mule for a change. Actually, some bad stuff occured but was cancelled out due to alot of good stuff. First of all, two Fridays ago we were hit hard by mass flooding and hurricane force winds. A few days later we caught the remnants of hurricane Alex. On that particular Friday, I was loading up the last of our equipment to end our contract on the LCACs at Little Creek Amphibious Base, Little Creek, VA. Steve and Rich drove the work truck to the shop and I was to meet them there after a long lunch at 1 pm since I live 10 minutes from the base. I was run off the road on base as a Hum-V pulled slam out in front of me! The car was under water all the way to the bottom of the windows! (Lucky they were up!) Amazingly, the car purred on and momentum allowed the car to make it to shallow water enough to drive on out. Of course the Hum-V never looked back! As I was driving off base I was stopped by the gate guards due to an eye witness to what had happened. The Hum-V and it's DRUNK OCCUPANTS were off to the right shoulder----now apprehended. I gave a quick statement to the guard and signed the necessary forms and went on my way.

The car was sluggish but eventually settled out. I had lunch and headed for work..., 2 miles later.., the car died! I walked to the store IN THE POURING RAIN and called Sugarbear to pick me up. I let the car sit for a week..., but it still wouldn't start. I worked twelve long tiring hours Saturday. Sunday morning I decided rain or shine the car would be RUNNING before the day was out. After trial and error...., after trying everything else EXCEPT the first thing my electrical common sense told me it was...(ignition coil), $16 later and a new coil installed--RUNS GREAT! But hey..., why stop.., I'm on a roll! All summer long the A/C's been broke on my truck. All summer long I roasted daily after SEVERAL attempts to recharge it. I was cleaning the engine after putting in the glow in the dark leak gel detector R-134-A. A small clip that holds one of the rubber seals together (IN PLAIN VIEW NO LESS!) was popped loose! As soon as I reclamped it..., the pressure held!

But hey..., why stop now, right? The radio in the car had seen better days. I've had a nice but older radio by Craig.., digital am-fm-cassette for about 3 years now...., INSATALLED IT..., SOUNDS GREAT!
Just goes to show what can be done if you press forward with a vengeance!

CRACK -vs.- CRACK...., goes down with a splash!

Let's face it..., not too many things feel better (except sex or winning the lottery) than takin' a big fat shit after a big meal, right? What a relief as the pressure and contents go slitthering down to the old sewer! I was doing my poo dance after lunch and gave the flush lever a push! Suddenly.., the old porcelain goddess parted like the Red Sea just like in the Ten Commandments! I grabbed the top of the stall with both hands pulled my poop stained behind away from the toppling turd bowl! Turds and pee and toilet water everywhere. I was NOT alone as I soon discovered as I wiped and regained my dignity! NO I WIPED BY MYSELF THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!! I left totally embarrassed..., but left with a sense of relief as having taken the dump of all dumps that's going to be hard to top by any normal standards!! AHHHHHHH!! POOP!! It's good to poop.., just not good to swim in it afterwards! Ha! Ha!


Friday, August 06, 2004
 
And now the rest of the story........,

OK, so I'm not going to require any surgery for my arm, etc. The doctor found three deteriorated disks in the upper part of my spine. The first, third, and fifth disks are badly deteriorated. However, as long as the muscles are properly cared for in my neck area, no unnecessary pressure will be placed upon them and it won't matter if they are or not. The problem is, it's hard to relax those muscles when most of the time you're working above your head. I have a large and well known reputation in the electrical/construction field as a "one man walking construction company who can do almost anything by himself that most people can't do without extra help". So it stands to reason I'm going to strain something more than just a little bit.

One reason for being such as lone warrior is because I don't deal with stupid people very well at all. In my trade alot of employers like to hire temporary employees. Often times they have little or no education, no common sense, and no transportation, etc., etc. My job consists of possible death around every corner. To work in any type of electrical field you absolutely MUST grasp one single concept: EVERYTHING YOU TOUCH HAS THE POWER TO KILL YOU! If you make one mistake..., it could mean the end of your life. The pay is pretty good..., however the risk is extremely high. Hence the REASON the pay's descent.., not to mention it's not the easiest job to do at times. I've been "sparking" in one type or another since the age of 15. I'm now 43 years old. In all those 28 years I've been shocked on every finger of every hand, across my arms under my neck, in my right ear, my left and right wrists, my right leg, and through my hair! Sometimes the pain was minor..., one time it hurt so bad it made me cry (277 volts in left index finger, 7:00 a.m. age 25 after a SEVERE hangover from the night before---OUCH!!) It knocked me clean off the ladder! The mistake I made was getting mad because I dropped the wire nut and smacked the wire with my finger FORGETTING it was hot! At that company, we wired EVERYTHING hot!! About 4 years ago, I took 4160 volts through my right elbow! It felt like a bee sting, but only because it was bleeding off into the ground as I had mt hands on a 277 volt wire that was also hot! The wire was insulated and the amperage due to dissipation into the earth taking most of the amps caused me to survive the ordeal. I had trouble (still do but only minor due to the shock) in raising and lowering my arm for about a year.

I had a good friend get killed by electrocution in 1996. He was working in a 44o volt switchboard on the USS Thorn (DDG) that our company had retrofitted a (VLS) Vertical Missle Launching System capable of firing missles from 64 different launch tubes. He was approached shortly before lunch by another contractor who was anxious to complete his task which involved turning on power that ran through Tim's switchboard. The guy was trying to get done early so he could take the early flight back to New Jersey to be with his family. Tim told the guy (BIG mistake here!) to turn it on after lunch because the switchboard would be done way before lunch was over. He also told the man to VISUALLY make sure he wasn't still working on it! Tim originally checked everything with a meter to verify all power was cut off just as he was supposed to do before doing any work. Lunch time came to a close, Tim lost track of time, and the IDIOT never walked 15 feet to the next room to see if Tim was done! Tim only lived 5 more minutes after the switch was thrown! Ironically...., he was finished..., he was putting on the LAST tie wrap! Never put your life in someone elses hands! Anyhow..., gotta get off this subject..., gettin' depressing.


Sunday, August 01, 2004
 
"Hey Mom..., what's for dinner...., uhhhh.., Mom?!!"

During the past week in local area news, police arrived at a Va. Beach home to serve an arrest warrant for a young man over traffic violations and failure to appear in court for those charges. With no sign of the suspect at first, the police noticed remnants of marijuana plats extending out from underneath the trash can lids. Now it was also a drug investigation. Finally, the suspects' sister came to the door. When the police entered the house the suspect appeared at the top of the stairs with a gun to his head stating he was a monster and needed to kill himself. The police were finally able to talk the man into surrendering the weapon. Police then continued with thier search only to discover a gruesome discovery. When police opened a large freezer..., they discovered the less than a week old frozen corpse of the suspects' Mom! After lengthy questioning of the suspects' family it was determined they were not involved. In days following, the suspect gave a full confession. Apparently, he was in disagreement with his Mom over his part in doing chores around the house. I guess the person who said, "A little work never killed nobody!" apparently was never heard bt this particular young fellow! As it turns out, one of the welders of the company I'm sub-contracted to, is the suspects' next door neighbor. His kids were friends of the neighbors and often buddied around together with them! I guess it goes to prove you just never know about some people.

Long Time Comin'

As they say.., I'm not getting any younger.., the time to act is now because tommorrow may never arrive! With that in mind. I've done alot of thinking lately concerning life in general. So..., if everything goes as planned, in the next year I have set a few goals to try and achieve. They are as follows:

A. Stop renting and buy a house.
B. Get laser eye surgery.
C. Build up my savings.
D. Invest in stocks.
E. Start playing guitar in a band again.
F. PROCEED and stop lolly-gagging around with obtaining my electrical license and get a REAL job!
G. Try and patent a few of my MANY brainstorm ideas! (Working on that as we speak)
H. Refinish my QUEST electric guitar.
I. Finish carving the rest of my hand-carved canes.
J. Sell the car and get something newer.
K. Fix the A/C in my truck.
L. Finish my model boat project I started over a year ago!
M. Repair, upgrade, or buy a newer and better computer.
N. Switch fom dial-up internet to high speed DSL or better.
O. Take some computer coarses.
P. Train myself in HVAC.
Q. Learn how to type!

R. Get back into woodworking.
S. Build another hotrod..., only starting with a better foundation! Ha! Ha! (this goal over the next FEW years)
I think that just about does it for now.

Anticipation

I have to wait until Wednesday to find out what's causing my arms and hands to keep going numb. However, I think the doctor is on the right track because with the medication and prescribed exercises it's nowhere near as bad as before. I have a new problem now that concerns my jobs' involvement. Whenever this all started, I was at work and I was carrying a heavy mig-welding machine on my left shoulder. As I was setting it down, the person helping me to steady it lost his grip and it pulled down hard on my shoulder. I heard and felt a very distinct popping noise which caused extreme pain. I did as I was supposed to and reported it to my boss. According to procedure an accident form is supposed to be filled out and a urinalasys screening is required. Niether of these did happen however, so whenever I brought it up to my project manager he slammed me over not filing a report. I did my part..., and my supervisor for that day admitted he forgot to file it. So, hopefully it will all get straightened out. I was asked about filing any disability claims against the company to which I replied I wasn't sure if it would come to that. There's a good chance it MAY come to that. You can bet if I have permanent damage to my arm, shoulder, or whatever, as a result of working for the company, I fully intend to file for any disability I can. I'd be a FOOL not to! How dare them to act in a way so as not to deem themselves any responsibility in this! I'd rather just not have the injury to tell you the truth. Anyhow, I suppose I'll have t6o wait and see what happens on Wednesday.